the forecast said it'd be cloudy...

the sun is out
the sky is blue
the day is a color
OTHER than grey
and the clouds are fluffy
FLUFFY--rather than ominous

i will now proceed to regret every moment i spend today
that i am NOT wearing a skirt.

wishes to boycott pants,
hannah

replay

i told them that this song was the one that got me through finals week


what i didn't tell them was that the reason it did
was because it reminded me of them < 3

and the 13 hour adventure of a car ride
bonding in sleep deprivation and ridiculousness
with the two of em, who i've only recently realized
are probably
...two of my best friends
in the world


it got me through finals week
cuz it reminded me of home


all i had to do
was get through a few more days

it was the comfort in knowing
..i'd be home soon =]

tôi không tin

...but maybe,
hopefully
someday..
i will.

"welcome to the real world"

she said to me
condescendingly

Take a seat
Take your life
Plot it out
in black and white

I've never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens

But I'd like to think
the best of me
Is still hiding
Up my sleeve

They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines

But something's better
On the other side

I wanna run
I wanna scream sing
at the top of my lungs


So the "good" boys and girls take the so called "right track"

They read all the books
but they can't find the answers

We're getting older

I wonder if they've wished for anything better
While in their memories
Tiny tragedies

They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines

But something's better

On the other side

I am invincible
I am invincible
I am invincible
As long as
I'm alive

I just found out there's no such thing as the "real world"
Just a lie you've got to rise above

...and when I stand
on these tables before You
I will know what all this time was for

incoherent

i feel like there's a ton of words piling up
but i have no idea how to use them
or what they even are.

i need to get out of pretend okay.
and pretend not-okay.

but if i do, then
i don't know where or what
i'd be left with

...today i made pineapple grilled chicken teriyaki burgers for dinner < 3 .
it was quite the disaster.
and makes me almost never wanna
make up my own recipes on the spot
ever again.


i am very proud of myself tho--
cuz i packed the leftovers by converting it into a salad
for tomorrow for lunch =]

..i think above a lot of things
i would hate to eat,
for the sole reason
of eating to survive.

i would love to enjoy
every meal.
and always
have people
to share and
enjoy it with.

i almost can't wait to make dinner next week already =].

one kitchen disaster after another,
hannah

my feelings are valid.

...even if i have to be the one to tell me that, myself.

i know its something
He said.
First.

Cuz I'm not always gonna have someone to tell me so.
I'm not always gonna have someone else,
who may fully understand.

But I -will- always have this God
My God

to believe.
and continuously
asking me
to do the same

if not in anything else,
then above all
..in Him.

and that means something.

i know it does.
I know He does.

it will be okay

even if i

feel.

snorkel. flannel. satchel.

and one. red. speedo.

week 1: completed.
verdict-success.

...in every sense of the word. < 3

commence--
Week 2:
" Intimidation. "

winter quarter

Speech bubbles
lime pull-away bars
cranberry orange muffins
chai latte recipes
scattegories
post secret final paper
2 pg interview
grad school
soggy leaves
missed phonecalls
running
skipping
more running
and briskly walking
widows
movie marathons
fried zucchini
hearts
phonecalls
voicemails
fingerless gloves
tangents
ogurt
"She'll give you a sample cup if you tell her she's pretty."
"Okay!"
bear jerky.
...repeat.
bear jerky.
and the most intense game
of connect 4
ever played.

"Hannah, I think you just crossed the line from cute to CRAZY."
-Matt Wang

Begin, 2010.

scrapbook pallette

it fell some time in the middle-end of last quarter.

and had been sitting against the wall in our office since..

tonight, i posted it back up again.

my wall insists.

it's time to start making new memories.

and to maybe,
not be so afraid
of the old ones.

"You're free on Fridays too?!"

"I feel like a widow."

"I'm free after...**counts to 5*
...ONE!"

"Oh, friend..."

"Chrissy, Chrissy! We have an AMAZING plan to do with our Fridays!"

"I know how you feel."

"We have it week by week! Okay--you ready for this?"

"I don't want to feel this way."

"BEAR JERKY!"

"But I shouldn't feel
this way--I hate it.
And I'm frustrated
at myself for it."

"Week 1! We'll make COSTUMES!"

"I'm more frustrated that or when I feel anything at all."

"Week 2, we parade around in said costumes. "

"I need to be functioning just as
*efficiently* as I would otherwise."

"...To gain street cred!"

"It's like..it's okay if they do.
But I don't want to more than they will."

"Then when we encounter the bear--
we'll win by intimidation alone!"

"I don't like to admit it either... because then I feel all vulnerable."

"Week 3 is when we actually
go on the HUNT for the bear."

"How do you think you're gonna be doing? Like with the distance and all?"

"And Week 4-5 will be a bit of a blur, we've left details out.
In case children are listening. All we're saying is that the bear will go
from an alive state--to a dead one."

"I'm here if you need anyone to talk to though, aight?"

"Week 5-6..we try to attach the bear on the bike carrier in the front of a bus.
And try to take the bus home--and the bear with us."

"I think I'd be worried if you DIDN'T though.
Then I'd ask why you were even together."

"We allow for a week of setbacks, when Andy's cape gets stuck in the door.
And another when he gets stuck on his bicycle in traffic between two cars.
(He's kind of the weakest link...we told him not to go for the cape.)"

"But it's ridiculous though.
He's like--technically..right there."

"Did you learn NOTHING from the Incredibles?!"

"Because when he's not here,
he may as well be three thousand miles away."

"Eventually we make the bear JERKY.
Also blurred details. For our kid viewers."

"...And then we return to the woods to wipe out the rest of the bear's family--Mafia style."

"It is okay to miss him."

"Because by then, if we don't then THEY'LL come for US."

"I can't run a three-legged race alone!"

"It's a kill or be killed situation."

"It's okay to grieve..."

"And we're *not* gonna be killed."

"..But you're right that it shouldn't be taking away
from the things that you're doing here."



"So this is the plan!"

"it sucks, but then..you get to appreciate all the new ways you get to
communicate/connect with them."


"We..can make more jerky."

"And if you ever need anyone to be emo
with, eat ice cream, or watch chick flicks--
don't hesitate to gimme a call!"

"He..he woulda wanted it this way."

"i missed you too."

"Who?"

"...you know that."

"..The bear."

"i think..i'll be okay."

"..thank You."

Commence--Adventures:
Week 1. =]

this is harder than i thought it would be...

i dont know if i believe that people
truly, ever really "get used to"

what it takes
how it feels
what it breaks
how to deal
when you wonder
how long
itll take to heal
(this time)
and convince yourself
you're not
even
breaking
in the first place

...saying goodbye.