please shout outloud
but i've forgotten
all the words
each moment is prepped
by asking the question
what would i say
who would i be
what words would i use
if i were
confident
right now
an effort
to be
convincing
to the me
who is
unconvinced
myself
my name
who am i
who i want
to be
buries
and absorbs
into who
i already
am
purposely,
i recite
lies
about
my unworth
invalid
unknown
maybe because
sometimes
confidence
itself
the responsibility
that comes
with confidence
has become
more nervewracking
than the unfortunately
bearable,
familiar,
safe,
sickeningly
confortable
shelter
of
insecurity
lack of
responsibility
freedom
to engage
in wrong
purposely
while pretending
almost
convincingly
that i know not
what
i do
i am my own
biggest
liar
i am my own
biggest
fool
i am my own
biggest
believer
but for too long
i have believed
in all
the wrong
things
i have believed
all of my
lies
of the things
i need to be
and should
become
of the things
ill never be
and can only
ingenuinely
pretend to be
...i dont think
i can pretend
sincerity
i can
but i dont think
this
heart
breaking
sincerity
self doubt
insecurity
internal
struggle
of disbelieving
in myself
and wanting to believe
in something greater
had i not been
so caught up
in building
my own
greatness
would a lack of sincerity
be so
difficult
against my nature
but what is that
who is that
what is my nature
i am endlessly
changing
growing
creating
a new
me
these brittle
clay
hands
fall
apart
crumbling
against
my own
clenched
fists
my parched soul
cracking
parched lips
dusty
fingertips
i want to hear
outloud
my name
in this
crowd
not the name
ive selfishly
greedily
foolishly
tried to make
and build up
for only
me
but the name
You've created
and loved
and died
for me
to be
i am broken
i am whole
i am
Yours
