IM etiquette

things i've decidedly don't like, and may even strongly dislike

-the cold
-denim jeans on your knees when it iis cold
-reserves scramble at the library
-being sleepy
-when people NEVER im me first D:/unequal distribution of first IM's w/ me needing to IM them first all the time
-when i realize im being a hypocrite to the previous line, by never IMing first myself
-doubt
-papercuts
-my own handwriting's illegible trend
-faulty internet connection
-wet socks
-when people dont tell you there's something in your teeth
-not being able/brave enough to tell someone there's something in their teeth
-not having enough time
-not being able to say goodnight
-missing conversation with a good friend
-my own room when its incredibly messy
-unfolded laundry
-paying for an overpriced food item that ends up not even tasting very good
-missing the chance to be the first to pull the bus cord--like your hand was on it and everything!
-cigarette smoke
-unfamiliar or angry or unnecessary cussing
-when people lie
-not having enough time
-having enough time but wasting it
-running out of chapstick

filipino--take 1

filipino food with arra, gerald, and mandy

-gerald sticking his head in the freezer
-protective eyewear
-cheerios, pork rinds, and cheeze its

-"...the recipe is titled malabon..i thought you said we were making palabok?"
-"isn't it the same thing?"
-"..no. ive never even heard of malabon"
-"...but..but..i thought they were the same thing."
-"...we're halfway through making this and you didnt know what we were making?!"
"they're both orange!!"


"...it..looks..horrible!"
"i'm sure it'll look better once we add the vegetables..."
"..."
"hm..well im sure it'll look better once we add some pepper"
"..."
"...well im sure it'll look better once we add the sauce, for sure!"
"...the sauce was in it to begin with! ;_;"

"..well it's orange."

qt

cuz im too lazy to walk upstairs to get my journal...

john 14

"Let your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me." John 14:1

-at first i thought it said 'let your heart NOT be troubled'

but i guess it makes more sense for it TO be troubled. maybe like that feeling of realizing something matters, meaning it has the potential to hurt. meaning it will have that weight of something that matters. meaning it's not necessarily a simple or easy thing you can do carelessly or on a whim, because..well i guess maybe infatuations or crushes are a bit like that at first. but when you really start to care about a person--THEN your heart is troubled. you think about them all the time. you want to make them happy. but its not like, all bad or all pressure and stuff. but a lot of recollections of good. and i wonder if maybe, as thrilled as hearts are to feel this kind of love--they'd also be troubled--because its like..conditioned to BE paranoid of hurt to follow, conditioned to expect let downs or misunderstandings, conditioned to imperfect love from imperfect beings--but that's not what God offers. But He offers perfect love, and acceptance that no other human can, and joy that even the best of human interaction can't fill (but on a sidenote, even that joy of the best of human interaction is possible only through the byproduct ooof the love God's offering). so by 'troubled' it could also mean let it be stirred...let it be moved, and felt.

heart beats < 3


"...you believe in God, believe also in Me."

-present tense. the first half is meant to prove the second half. meaning, whether we know it or not, maybe non believers or not, we all believe in God. We believe in a form of, in some extent of, some image of, if not some unconscious feeling..that whether we are aware of what to call it, or no matter what we DO end up calling it--is God. His presence in some form. There's some things that are hard to prove but everyone feels.

-"believe also in Me"
can be taken as a command. but in that human way that Jesus was--can also sound like a plea. For a lot of people "God" seems like an ambiguous term, but "me" refers to a person. To an actual tangible living, breathing, existing individual. It makes it more real. Just like Jesus was real--and the importance of the bridging of that gap in between. That gap where someone isn't just speaking FOR someon else, but someone is speaking as themselves. And what they have to say maters, cuz they're offering you something that's hard to come by in this world sometimes--something to believe in. Something that you'll be able to. Something that exists and is real to. Something that dares to say, and mean, and follow through..with a promise as huge as that. "Believe in me."

/verse 1



..hm.
i meant to do the whole thing.
but maybe i'll go more into depth with this..and just..keep adding as i go.

..wow i missed this.

sorry if you mind ne x.x.
but i think im gonna hafta continue this.

"t'was grace that taught
my heart to fear

and grace
my fears relieved"

ugly

"you're like one of those pug puppies.
they're so UGLY, that they're cute."-d

nicely put. d's my best friend from as far back as elementary school. i never called him d, but i do to this day apparently mispronounce his name. i like it though. i think he does too. it gives him one more thing to make fun of <3 face="verdana"> priya and i were talking once and got to the topic of just how unlucky...and in turn, lucky, i am. like, seriously. we concluded that i was either the luckiest unlucky person, or the unluckiest lucky person =D

she knows pretty well what i mean since she's pretty much around every time life's happening @@. so she knows all of the random things i get myself into, and should by no logical explanation be able to get myself out of as many times as i have or somehow do. but thats it happens so often, and that's the unlucky part. but each time i've somehow gotten out of it, has never been cuz of myself but always through some unexpected turn of events, or like incredibly awesome nice-ness by one friend or stranger other. and that's where the lucky part comes in. so am i unlucky cuz series of unfortunate events (even little--just plain ridiculous things) happen over and over in ridiculous proportions? or am i incredibly lucky that just as much just-plain-ridiculous things happen to get me out of them?

Take a look at the mountains
Stretching a mile high
Take a look at the ocean 
Far as your eye can see
And think of Me

i cant think of specific events @@.
just remember the "are you KIDDING me?"'s
and the speechless ones where a zillion thank you's wouldn't be enough

Take a look at the desert
Do you feel like a grain of sand?
I am with you wherever
Where you go is where I am

And I'm always thinking of you
Take a look around you
I'm spelling it out one by one

mm..
today could be one of em,
the are you kidding me moments i mean.
..but i guess if i think about it, the zillion thank you's too.

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today 
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

Just a face in the city

people are the ones that make it lucky tho..
and i guess hearing songs like that
remind me even more what makes it something above just 'lucky'
or luck
or coincidence
or even anything attributed to myself
or randomness
cuz people should mean more than that, right?

more than random i mean
and when i think of people
above being 'lucky'
the word takes onto a different meaning
and transitions into
'blessed'

Just a tear on a crowded street
But you are one in a million
And you belong to Me

and i feel like since the word started to get its meaning..
i've never even been legitimately allowed
to for more than two seconds (okay, longer than that) feel..
well.. legitimate
in feeling or claiming to have been left alone
or the word
'abandoned'
feels like..a filler word
for something im realizing
that through Him

And I want you to know
That I'm not letting go
Even when you come undone

i probably never will--or even if i am
even when i am
or are for a long time
..
never can be again

You are one in a million
And you belong to Me

and i will rejoice and be glad in it

"this is the day, that He has made"

that means
even the bad days
the wrong side of the bed days
the cant even find which side of the bed im on cuz my rooms so messy days
the late days
the everything goes wrong days
the just not good enough days
the are you serious?? days
the overwhelming days
the nothing happened days
the long days
the short days
the ones you wish had never happened
the ones you wish didn't have to end

the ones you forgot
the ones they forgot
the ones you wish they'd still remember
the ones you wish was easier to remember
or the ones you realize was a day
you'd always remember

this was the day
this is the day
this is His day

"and we shall rejoice and be glad in it"

there are more important things

my imaginary friend and i broke up last night.

i wonder if talking more in person is gonna be another empty promise.

and i wonder if im the only one who will care.
(but of course in theory, i'll be too cool too.
cuz well, yknow, thats the cool thing to do)

i guess i can be whatever enough not to mind,
or to see where they're coming from if it happens.

but it was nice while it lasted.

hopefully it doesn't become
another thing just to miss.
though i guess
those are nice too

..just not when they're still right there in front of you.

far beyond my reach

im..overwhelmed
even my own words dont feel very good enough to express how im feeling
its basically a bunch of
gjfdilamfjng;oijdujaklfoj.uhnk
but not even, cuz feeling the intensity of whatever it is i really am feeling to that extent
would be way too much energy
cost too much energy
that i dont really even have

i dont know what im good at
i dont know what im doing right
because so much of what im doing is all wrong

all ive done is been busy
and irresponsible

but despite how busy ive been
i still dont feel like ive done anything productive

i guess that -could- be a lie..cuz i technically did
but the magnitude of the things i HAVE to get done NOW
in comparison to what little i HAVE gotten done
barely even makes that productivity i was able to do count
for anything

well..ive..hmm
[x] had dinner with brian
[x] sleepover with mandy
[x] dinner with justin
[x] lunch with gracie
[x] lunch with dorothy (but wanna hang out with her more)
[x] not movie yet, but hung out with alwin yay
[x] bought all my books
[x] got my readers
[x] finished about 2/3's of the thank you card packets for saa
[x] done a lot of brainstorming/researching/outlining for womens retreat
[x] retreat planning meeting x2
[x] saa meeting
[x] ccf meeting for ucc--let em know i wont be here this weekend
[x] kawings bday stuff
[x] immunization records filed-ish for, just waiting for a call back
[x] saw the advice nurse lady who gave me allergy medicine
[x] work evaluation finally, and in that go the course of everything im gonna be responsible for/in charge of for...well basically the following year of marketing
[x] set up a time to hang out with peter finally
[x] called back marni, but does this even count? cuz we still keep missing each other
[x] set up a hang out with ray too
[x] set up dinner with yvonne
[x] had dinner with mandy
[x] skit finished for announcement/mail gabe music
[x] talked to eric

..and now i have to..

[ ] finish up and finalize/solidify the womens retreat talk
[ ] SOMEHOW finish my support letter, supporter list, addresses, and envelopes all in like..now. to be ready to be given to someone to take to ucc for me on saturday for sunday
[ ] catch up on ALL my readings--well basically do ANY of the readings for classes, yay for being a week behind already
[ ] that includes the summaries. woot.
[ ] need new earphones
[ ] finish saa tatl packets to give to other people to help send
[ ] while im at it request addresses of other alumni from the saa alumni list records
[ ] send THOSE out/get more cards once the order comes in
[ ] movie with alwin =]
[ ] make dinner for peter and roommates on monday
[ ] make palabok with gerald the monday after
[ ] email last quarter's prof's.
[ ] get in contact with marni
[ ] talk to brian
[ ] dinner with eunice
[ ] talk to daniel
[ ] mail yuki's presents soon D:

...eeehh toh!