qt

cuz im too lazy to walk upstairs to get my journal...

john 14

"Let your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me." John 14:1

-at first i thought it said 'let your heart NOT be troubled'

but i guess it makes more sense for it TO be troubled. maybe like that feeling of realizing something matters, meaning it has the potential to hurt. meaning it will have that weight of something that matters. meaning it's not necessarily a simple or easy thing you can do carelessly or on a whim, because..well i guess maybe infatuations or crushes are a bit like that at first. but when you really start to care about a person--THEN your heart is troubled. you think about them all the time. you want to make them happy. but its not like, all bad or all pressure and stuff. but a lot of recollections of good. and i wonder if maybe, as thrilled as hearts are to feel this kind of love--they'd also be troubled--because its like..conditioned to BE paranoid of hurt to follow, conditioned to expect let downs or misunderstandings, conditioned to imperfect love from imperfect beings--but that's not what God offers. But He offers perfect love, and acceptance that no other human can, and joy that even the best of human interaction can't fill (but on a sidenote, even that joy of the best of human interaction is possible only through the byproduct ooof the love God's offering). so by 'troubled' it could also mean let it be stirred...let it be moved, and felt.

heart beats < 3


"...you believe in God, believe also in Me."

-present tense. the first half is meant to prove the second half. meaning, whether we know it or not, maybe non believers or not, we all believe in God. We believe in a form of, in some extent of, some image of, if not some unconscious feeling..that whether we are aware of what to call it, or no matter what we DO end up calling it--is God. His presence in some form. There's some things that are hard to prove but everyone feels.

-"believe also in Me"
can be taken as a command. but in that human way that Jesus was--can also sound like a plea. For a lot of people "God" seems like an ambiguous term, but "me" refers to a person. To an actual tangible living, breathing, existing individual. It makes it more real. Just like Jesus was real--and the importance of the bridging of that gap in between. That gap where someone isn't just speaking FOR someon else, but someone is speaking as themselves. And what they have to say maters, cuz they're offering you something that's hard to come by in this world sometimes--something to believe in. Something that you'll be able to. Something that exists and is real to. Something that dares to say, and mean, and follow through..with a promise as huge as that. "Believe in me."

/verse 1



..hm.
i meant to do the whole thing.
but maybe i'll go more into depth with this..and just..keep adding as i go.

..wow i missed this.

sorry if you mind ne x.x.
but i think im gonna hafta continue this.

"t'was grace that taught
my heart to fear

and grace
my fears relieved"