when things hurt

...i wanna know when you're mad

i wanna know when things hurt

i wanna know why they do
and what lies these fears come from

i wanna know the way
the things i do
confirm
these
lies

because i know that i am broken

and can very well be
just as much of a
breaking point
for you

as you've always
been afraid to be for me

i am not afraid.

but at the same time...

i really...
really am.

i am not afraid
of the things
that hurt

because i have learned
in the past
that our God
can make
anything
better

i am confident that
the things i cannot do
will not do, wish i could do
would never think of doing on. my. own.

i've learned and know
in the most loved
most courageous
regions of
my heart

that
i am loved

He makes all things better
He is Good.
He is with me
and for me.

...but what if
in the darkest, most filthy
depths of my heart

the broken pieces
still cut like
dangerous
shards of
shattered glass

crystal tears,
wandering delusions,
stained serenity

sometimes when
my fears
overcome
my courage

and i am left to wonder
if these are all
there is
left in me
to find

...and from there
i do not
want
to be found...
anymore

for fear that what they'll find
are the things
i myself
have learned,
no,
adapted
to
reject
for so,
so, long,

what do i do
when all that can save
is love itself
in its perfect form

yet my own fear
of love itself
as my trembling
human hands
have grasped for it
so many times

before

is what keeps me from this healing
to enter through
the walls of
my heart
to begin
with?

i truly have a long way to go
before even coming anywhere near close

to understanding
the depth,
perfection,
mind-blowing
courage,
strength,
and grace

with which our God has loved us,
will love us and loves is even still
as our present selves
struggle, and weep
sin and regret
break and is broken

still, He loves not just the past
of the children we were meant to be
or the future, of the children who have fulfilled that

but He loves who we are now
simply because of who He is
and who we are

we are His beloved children

...that means more to me--to all of us
than we could ever know.

and this is a Truth

that both the depths
of my fears
and the heartbeat
of my courage
agree upon,
and know for sure.