sunday evening

(though actually,
some would call this night
a few, "morning.")

i find myself with a mickey mouse sneaker gloving each hand,
landing from hopping up and down,
and probably preparing for another following jump, if necessary
korean music blasting in the background from my roommate's laptop
while she begins the night's work for classes

i am...
wide awake, exhausted, and only partially rested
only partially interested, only partially..a lot of things
trying to kill an overly friendly risk-taking moth
that i just discovered had a friend

i think my weekend mornings always start in a haze,
im never really quite awake for them
and by the time the day ends
it started so early in the day
that sometimes it feels as if
whatever world that those events took place in
was so far away,
that i wonder how much of it
was made up in my mind
and how much really happened
outside the narratives of reality
that i process and construct in my head

every now and then i feel the need to stretch my face
when im alone washing my hands in the restroom
and i make funny faces at my reflection for my own entertainment

my face is tired from hours and episode after episode
of not having much of an expression outside of polite smiles
and confused glances, or at the most..perplexed furrowed brows

i am...
skeptical, unfriendly, too friendly that i wonder at its sincerity
i am miscommunicating, afraid, not the person i know i am
i have lost
my voice

and in its place i have
silence

feigned confusion
real confusion--feigned consciousness

i am
at a distance,
at best

i miss me
sometimes
and cuz of that
ive been missing
a lot of things

im too tired to interpret for now
but also for now
these are the words
i can manage to say

im doing alright,
just...
pensive, i suppose

or tired? or something.
not too bad though..
i got to take a nap earlier today

mm, but regardless..
the words i want to say come out so jumbled,
even in my long awaited opportunity
to finally spew them all

...i really liked reading tonight before going to bed
i really like reading to someone else until they fall asleep < 3

i like the sound of restful breathing
and the company of a room
that isn't empty

...and isn't
normally empty, either