as much as i do i mean--while the guy in this song doesn't.
my last post was deceptively cheery, when in truth im actually
quite the mess of insecurities right now.
stressed out once again, and ive been tired for days
daaaaaays
i havent quite learned to sleep comfortably in my own new bed right now
and i still wake up feeling familiar, but not quite at home
like ive gone away, but know theres nothing to come back to
so i have to keep moving forward
cuz of course, it's really the only way left
and then this song came up--which confuzzled me
not trying to be cute, just trying to be efficient
(well im not anymore now that im taking the time to explain it)
i was both confused and puzzled (pleasantly so) at the same time
but in some odd way
it cheered me up to hear it:
i think there's a lot of pressure
from others
and also, if not mostly, myself
to be something
i think im supposed to be
and missing who i thought
i might have once been
just getting by
riding the tide trying to hide
I’m just an ordinary face
finding my place
you won’t remember my name
after I go away"
..but is that really my problem?
is that a problem at all?
...that i really, really wish you would
(remember my name)
just cuz i know almost for sure
that some part of my oversentimental heart
will do its best
to always remember yours?
(ironically i was having a really hard time remembering
the name of two of my fave clients who got kicked out of
the rehab center i work at...i took me so long to remember
till i finally looked one up.
but even if i had forgotten his name
i knew there was no way
id forget him.
and that my stories
wouldnt still have him in it.
and the way i tell the story
of the rest of the things
that happen in my life
will for sure
by colored by the things
i remembered of him too)
"Everyone tells me I’m a rare condition
and maybe that God has a different plan for me
I don’t presume to know
the reason’s a mystery
people always telling me that I am something special
well it’s too much pressure to take"
i think im the one that's making it that way
im the one whose making it too much pressure
because im putting all teh pressure on myself
as if its my own merits that will make me be remembered
and that these are merits i earn myself
rather than embracing
that theyre all gifts
given to me my God to begin with
and that the only thing i have ownership of
or more like--need to take ownership of
is my faith IN God
that there will always be something to remember
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