you know you're older than you meant to be

when...

a new haircut

no longer makes you feel like a new person

instead, you come to accept

that hair length changes

really might just be

hair length changes

(yaay end of mid-life crises and regret sessions after every haircut)

when...

you start to think maybe match.com

isn't as ridiculous

as everyone thinks it is

but have still decided in advance

that your children may not touch the internet till they're mature enough

or 40

^it's like dating

but with technology

when

you talk about marriage

with people

who openly confess hobbies like

sketching wedding dresses

and rather than being silly

actually have more than enough reason

to be doing so

when

filing cabinets

suddenly seem like

a really good idea

like

in a mostly practical approach

(mostly)

when lifelong friends

becomes a list of people

of very real

very trusted people

and vibrant memories

rather than a dream

a hope, a 'maybe someday'

or a hesitant unknown

when you start making cultural references

or quoting tv lines, or identifying

very, very identifiable characters

and your 13, 11, and 9 year old cousins

have no idea what you're talking about

and laugh along with you

only to pause

and innocently ask

what a brady bunch is D:

when your dad starts talking about GRANDCHILDREN

as if--no, more like BECAUSE he actually really wants them

and even dares to have a hint of impatience

as he lists all the things he wants to do

with his future grandchildren

while your unmarried, nowhere near engaged self

can do nothing but nod and smile

and wait for the subject to change

(that's a lie btw--

we had a pretty in depth conversation over hair

cuz apparently my dad wants to give em corn rows

while i prefer more of a fohawk till im brave enough for a mohawk--

yknow, get all the rebellion out of the way while they're young

and still vaguely manage-able)

when you realize that where you live

is a decision that you have to make yourself

and that your actions toward that decision

will count and affect you

and the people around you

and the way you live your life

not just temporarily--

but quite possibly for years

or permanently

(and then you start to wonder

if you ever really knew what the weight of the word 'settled' meant

when you signed up to race towards it with everyone else

of if you just went along with it the way

you thought people should

cuz you're nowhere near it

so why worry)

when watching food network

makes you a little bitter towards

all the unhealthy diner meals

they keep advertising

that you cant have

not just cuz you cant cant cuz they're far away

but cuz you know you may never

un-painfully allow yourself

to eat things like that

without committing sepukku

five times over in your head

for dishonoring your high-cholesterol ancestors

with such lack of discipline

and shameless indulgence

when the word fiber counts

and one of your fave categories of food

is veggies

cuz you can eat as much as you want

without feeling guilty

on the topic of food--lets not forget

when you actually follow cooking blogs

and read through magazines for recipes

and rather than just feeling proud of being able to make pasta

or work with one type of meat

you start to worry if someday your family

will get bored of what you cook

and get that much further away

from your college days

when the only goal when entering a kitchen

was to come out with anything edible

and accomplishment meant

you got away with a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast

had food left over from eating out the night before for lunch

and dinner was able to be made in 15 minutes

nothing impressive--but something that looked like food at all

when you have a bed time

...again

(thought you left those days behind)

when your friends

have a bed time

(at least you're not alone)

when your parents stay up later than you do

when the tshirts you used to wear casually for every day adventures

start to pile up as the clothes you can only feel comfortable wearing at home

when shopping can sometimes suddenly be

justifiably productive

rather than guilty or wasteful

and finally

(tho im sure there's more i can add to this later)

when you are able to come up with a list

of ways

you're older

than you meant to be

in your blog that you've had

for more than one hand's worth of fingers

number of years