who do i think i am

ive honestly wondered that a few times,
and sincerely considered it just recently

i feel like im standing on shaky ground sometimes.

how do i know that i'm secure or as mature in the places that i think i am....as i think i am?

when am i being confident,
and when am i acting out of brokenness?

when am i rebuking in love--
and when am i calling out inappropriately
and speaking out of place?

how do i know that the 'wisdom' i so insistently offer
is even wisdom or any good of advice or understanding at all?

i've never considered myself wise myself
but i am confident in the things that i talk about
as far as feelings or emotions or relationships go--

but recently, when it's come to myself
i've been a little more unsure

when you find yourself called out on things you'd never realized about yourself before
you kinda wonder about all the things you thought you knew to begin with
am i really confident, or am i running away?
am i standing up for something
or am i following a similar breaking pattern
that's broken me and people around me before?

how do i know i have anything to offer?
when i'm so spent and have so little left of me to even communicate


i'm doubting
everything
sometimes.

i think i just need to find--and act on understanding
the value of sleep and rest and good health
and the impact it makes on my understanding
and perception of the world around me
and my confidence in the eyes
that i perceive them in

sometimes i've shut down
too far for my own good intentions
to be anything more than ignored by
sometimes i feel like i am just fine
but am apathetically sitting somewhere
way too far to reach


i've insisted on it.

i think i need to stop thinking
im the one who knows myself best
and remember the One
who really does.

and has forgiven me for it.

...and maybe begin following His example from there.