times

what do i believe in

what is worth fighting for

love well

im the kind of person

who is so afraid

of the unknown

that even as a child

i could never bring myself

to hide under the covers

you'd think this sounds brave

(and i did too)

but oh

it wasn't

i was so afraid

of the unknown

that i would rather

watch whatever monster

emerge from that closet

and devour me piece by piece

like the way lil kids cruelly eat teddy grahams

than to not know

what it was

that threatened to loom

in front of me

id rather know

i want to know

even if keeping my eyes open

is the only, little bit of control

i can hold on to

...but maybe that's the problem

im holding on

too tight

and somewhere

along the line

i started holding on

to the wrong things

it's not..it's not bad

is it? i don't..i don't think so

...i wanted to hold your hand

and there's nothing wrong with that

but it was when

somewhere along the line

i let go

of His

that things

began

their steady

spiral

it feels like

you're floating at first

because you're so

high up

at first

its just a scratch or two

of branch after branch

or rock or ledge

you brush up against

on your plummet downwards

the rocks waiting

to crush whats left of you

at the bottom

scratched up

disoriented

selfish

but afraid

i hold out my hand

and You reach out

to catch it

but i need

to be willing

to hold onto

Yours

even if it means

letting go

of his

...Lord,

i'm scared

what do i believe in

what is worth fighting for

"i'm so tired of defending,

what i've become.."

love well

"...what have i become?"