hannah went to grad school

and this is what she really learned:

that i'm probably crazy.

irresponsible

broken

dysfunctional

people-pleasing

afraid

unreliable

sincere

kind

and brave

foolish

and young

learning

and learning

and learning

for days

 im waiting for the day

to list the things

i can claim

to learn

but right now

and on most days

i still feel

in the middle

of learning

and learning

and learning

and not quite there yet

but learning

it's overwhelming

to know

so little

and be responsible

for so

much

it's overwhelming

to be

so little

and to take on

so much

it's a relief

to be

so little

even when

i take on

so much

it's a relief--no,

a shock--

it's humbling

 

to know

so little

but still be held

responsible

for so

much

i want to say

it's unfair

but that's because of all the things

i don't want to be

responsible for

and all the things

i want everyone else

to be

too

and instead

i still

have

so. much.

to learn

please give me the patience,

the grace, 

the tears,

the shoulders--to soak up those tears

the arms

to be held up by

and the hands

to hold

as i continue 

to learn

just how hard

learning

can be

please accept 

this incomplete

me.