level up

you'd think would inspire some celebrating,
but instead squeezes out
more than groaning
but a strained
sufficating

hyperventilating

closed fist
white knuckled
inhales
exhales

of doubts,
hesitation
perplexities
complexities
couldn't be's
should be's

shouldn't be's
and would be's

and most of all

"if i could only be..."'s

stakes are higher
checkpoints are further
distances longer
in between

leaps feel like falling
longer than it does soaring
and before you can land
you've forgotten
where you've been

you just remember
falling

and wonder, reminisce, regret, and reach
for where you fell
completely forgetting
the willing leap

completely forgetting
you took the leap

you only remember
falling

brace yourself, brace yourself, brace yourself

if this was a mistake, it could only end one way
if this was a stumble, an accident, coincidence
if there were shades beyond black, white, and grey

you'd remember

colors

hope

a sky
you leaped into

a hope
you thought
worth trusting
a fall
you felt
worth taking
hands
you thought
worth trusting


...to catch you.


please remind me, Lord
that You are there
to catch me
from this fall

that before entrapped
in a perpetual, regretted fall
i was once courageous
and took a leap
of faith

of faith, Lord
of faith

let my life
be one

of

faith

things are harder
the encounters meaner
and yet so much more
significant
than we ever understood
before

from what i remember
i have so little
in my pocket
of memories
and dreams

wide-eyed wonder
gave way
to withdrawal

eyes closed tight

flinching

afraid

Lord, let me live
 a life of
faith

things are harder here
i can no longer live
be allowed to live
the way
i've lived
before

i am more

You are more
You are more than all I ever was or could be

You are more

and you urge me towards you
to leap, with courage
to walk on water
to surrender
surrender
surrender

and be caught
in Your loving arms
of grace

i am more
than the person
it was so easy
to be
before

i am meant for more
than the ease
ill inevitably
take for granted 
of before
and of now

Lord,
You are more

than the horizon,
vast, unending, limitless--limited
in my vision

You are more
than the air
that surrounds me

You are the breath
that keeps me
breathing
living
loving
growing

Courageous

You meant me to be more

than what i whine, and plead,
and want to hide to again now

level up

and i'm a beginner again

but just like before

You hold my hand

and i am 

once again

held in Your arms

Your hands

wrapped around

mine

Your warmth

greater,

more comforting

more true

i am a beginner again

but just like before

Lord,

i am Yours

/save point.