finals chronicles

Dec 8, 2008
igloos, spandex, and floral pants

so i made a decision to cheer my day up today by being very adamant about wearing my white and yellow daisy skirt <3

I got out of bed at 6:55 in the morning and rethought it when I realized my nose was freezing over, like, indoors. My nose was cold, and it felt like an upstairs igloo. Everything was gloomy, and everything about the weather screamed PANTS and layers of em.

but for the heck of it i tried it on
i looked in the mirror, not at myself
but at how happy it was *__*
and with my green sweatshirt, i looked like the stem to giaant floweeerrr...
I layered enough (two pairs of tights and my spandex shorts)
for it to be at least semi reasonable to be wearing a skirt
But cannot deny the out of placeness I probably looked in the doom and gloom of rain, clouds, and the first day of 8 am finals.



I need to become more practical,
accept my innate irrationality and love for daisies
or invest in some warm, cheery, floral pants

...i am not buying floral pants.

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December 10, 2008
a confession
dear sleep,

i was wrong.
i miss you.

love,
hannah

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December 11, 2008
not good =/

oh no @@

i think
i want to

...draw
sing
listen to music
take a walk
lay down
in the middle of nowhere
and close my eyes
and open them
to the middle of nowhere
in the middle of everywhere

i want to paint a picture
the only way i know how
through images and words

then paint a picture
in ways i wish i knew how
through paper and paint
i want to water color
and fail
and succeed
but keep trying
without consequence
or being reprimanded

i want to nap
or stay in bed
and read
and laugh
and watch a movie
have spare time
stop what im doing
and listen to you

i want to sit
and tell stories
and hear stories
and share a glance
with someone

with a million things to say
and nothing to say
running through our heads
trying, wishing
we had something to say
to each other
but resigning on nothing
quite interesting enough to be worth the risk saying
being mildly annoyed, at our own uninterestingness
but inwardly celebrating
over sharing the glance anyway

i want
to be painfully, but not uncomfortably
aware
of someone's presence in the room
who i can pretend or hope
wants to talk to me
as much as i
want to talk to them

i want
someones undivided attention
and for someone to be
excited
to tell me something going on in their lives
i want to be sought out
to be told good news
and bad news
and boring news
and no news

i want to laugh
and listen
and smile, without realizing i am
and listen to stories and wishes and dreams
and woes and worries and exasperated rants
that we both know
dont matter
as much as it does to have something to say
to the someone
you want to say something to

i want to acknowledge
unsolvable problems
while feeling completely content
over the unrelated solution, satisfaction, and comfort
from having someone to ponder over these problems with
who finds them
just as interesting
and pertinent
as you do

i want to look up to
and people sized post its
or post its in people form
saying

i miss you
i love you
i hope you have a good day

i cant
wait to see you

i know im
important to you

and that's okay

i want to do
absoloutely nothing

and be loved for it

..isnt that unfair?

....
two hours before my final
i will end with a quoting from
the now very applicable words of
the support of my good friend and ohana,
ray middle name gao

"haha. you're screwed."