well, in that case...

does an written entry really have to be
anything other than
what you're thinking
at that moment
in those times?


..

i dont like velvet
in fact, i distrust it
all that its semi okay on are those little girl
church dresses...cuz they're too young to know
what they're doing wrong

maybe i distrust purple too
or nah
me and purple just don't fit
we're very different
...colors.
i feel like its a lot older than i am
or can reasonably pretend to be

even when its on kids

i think im missing people

i think im

missing them a lot.

i've been productive...ish
but it makes me wonder what its all for if
i dont get to see people ever

it makes me rethink
rethinking
my lifestyle

...and seriously.
i need to remember to close those window blinds sooner
when im by myself in the living room


its just creepy D:

hm
i need to remember to keep
investing in sleep

and eventually just need to
shut down AIM all together D:

or like
make a new account with what
three people in it

everyone else i can see in person

like the pioneers did.

they got along alright

i think.

..
it's 2:39
and i'm still only
a couple pages into my article

im focused, or was.
but am not gonna be if this keeps up.
maybe i have a productivity threshold?

but i still wish i had gone by to get my camera
and maybe dropped off a support letter along the way
i keep wishing things weren't so busy
but im limiting that to be all that im wishing for.


what else can you really do from here?

can you really wish
not to wish
or decide
to make a decision
and then let that decided decision
decide for you?

or maybe we should've just
flipped a coin.

im still wishing
for wishing for
nothing more.

...maybe it really doesn't work that way.