my leprosy hurts

the part of me that isn't doing work
that is somehow still slacking off
that isn't doing what its supposed to
that is stressed, tired, and exhausted
that isn't living up to expectations
that's tired of expectations to live up to
that is unsure--about everything
but cant let anyone else know
just how unsure it is

that wants to
rest

but hasn't. but has.
but honestly?
hasn't

the part of me that keeps repeating
that what im doing is wasting time
the part of me--the most of me
that actually, really is

the part of me that wishes
that things were different
or not the way they un-changeably are

the part of me that's tired
and knows--not yet
and that i shouldn't be

the part of me that wishes i knew better
and especially the part
that already does
but does these things anyway


the part of me
that crumbles away

and doesn't want to be seen for it

the part of me that wants to be healed
but cowers away, pretending not to see
the hand that healed the leper's spots
that has rests itself, over mine
and holds on...to me
even when i'm
too afraid to