safe

i think people throw the word around a lot
without realizing what it really means

we think we're so above it,
just because we know the name for it
and have warned others about staying too far inside it

we even gloat a little,
about our adventures,
supposedly scaling the walls of it--no
downright exploring the other side
being shocked, affected,
but surviving
..insightful
wise

but really?

what risk have we taken

i feel like i've been safe
for almost too long

the word is: "Christian bubble"

what a worldly man,
insightful man,
wise, so experienced

to have ventured outside to it

...but honestly?

you've been too afraid.

why else have you
blended in that well
for that long--
that safely?

on the 'outside'?

i don't believe you.

a mere taste of it.
and we forget
who we are.


or worse--we remember
but try to hide it
knowing, that it's something

that won't be accepted.


i laughed.
....i laughed.

just so i could laugh
with them.


as if the words i spoke meant nothing.
as if the actions i condoned--meant nothing.

...as if the words You spoke meant nothing.

condoned--hm.

"tolerate."

ironic that You caught me with the lesson--
just the day before I was put in the specific situation itself.

and still i was unaware
and fell right into
the trap of
wanting to
please.

who?
others?

maybe.

..myself?

more definitely.

i didn't realize--
i underestimated
how easy it was
to falter

and be part of the very world
i so fervently claim to Him
that i also want to help
and be a part of the change
to save

..not realizing
just how much saving
i still need
myself.


im afraid i've been safe for too long.
so comfortably so,
that i choose to be.
even in the times,
when i shouldn't.

i want to take these risks
for You.

i didn't realize just how afraid i was to take them.

i have to re-realize
just how much i need You
to face...
them?
myself?

...anything at all.