on dressing for my volunteer shift

why take the initiative
in vaguely professional attire?
the world view seems obvious enough--
but beyond it...?

random revelation:

if you look like you care
then people...can tell if you do

...if you dont look like you care
then people
assume you don't.

you can try to prove them otherwise
but then you also have to stop and think
if you look so convincingly like you dont
..they why is that?

i want to care
i want to want to be here
i want to come here knowing that it is a blessing
that the opportunity to be here at all is a blessing

i want to care
sincerely
not just for the sake of convincing someone else

and i want to care
so much
that it can show in
everything i do
and the way i live my life
and the way i carry myself
around the people here too..

"Preach the Gospel at all times, and if necessary use words."-Gordon Tsai

i want to care
not just in words, or best intentions
or hoping they can assume, im some sort of good person
but by action
and life
and breathing the life
i chose
when i accepted Christ into my life
to live

i dont want to live on a surface level assumption
of what a good person looks like
i dont want to think people will assume
or assume myself
that i am a good person
just by being here

cuz honestly...they can't
and i need to stop thinking
im in any way
entitled for them to

i want to do good
not just by
doing the things
that "good people" do

but by caring enough to recognize
that im not good
just by doing these things

but by how much i care
by my recognition of

how much God cares

about the people im doing them for

it's God
who is good

i cant just..
show up here looking like a bum
as if they arent worth my time
to try to be presentable for


i cant show up here
without sincerely desiring
that they would be part of my life
recognized individually, by name, face, and spirit
and not just by labels on a resident chart

it isn't about me
...it never should have been

i guess in sum
i want all that i do..
(especially in a setting
where i signed up to serve)
even the mundane things
like dressing, or speaking
the way i say hello
or sincerity with which i ask someone
"how is your day?"

to be glorifying
to Him

and at some point,
professional attire isn't gonna be
just a standard to meet

and personal appearance, or care
isnt about just tending to my own self esteem
or glorifying myself in any way

but that even those things
actually can be...
and to some extent
have to be
given to God, as well

as provided by Stella's status:

"If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God.
If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides,
so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.
To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever.
Amen."
-1 Peter 4:11

thnx stell =]

/end ramble on one of the first of many adulthood revelations of things
God is demanding of my grown up perspectives
to keep focused on Him