my closet overfloweth

the more correct term would be "runneth over"
according to wikipedia, that is.
but it just doesn't quite produce image
i'm trying to convey in my mind
and of what's right in front of me
every morning i wake up
somehow convinced that i have nothing to wear
when the drawers in front of me
aren't even able to close perfectly all the way
because of the excess of their contents
some of which, are folded on top of the drawers themselves

its something im probably ashamed of--
having this many to begin with, that is
it's something i wish people wouldn't know about me
and am self conscious for when people do
its even worse when its bad enough that people would feel the need to comment
then compare it to their simplistic lifestyle
that i not-so-secretly envy so much already


i feel a lil more easily justified when i remember
that clothes are a means of expression, and art too
that justification feels a lil more like rationalization
when i find myself with two or three other coats tabbed on my bookmarks
when i can barely fit the four or five or (shame) maybe even six i have now


im fine with a simple life,
i really, really am

i dont need a huge house
(itd be harder to clean > > )

or a fancy car
(it'd be too much pressure to drive D: )

or even a fancy phone
(i doubt id invest much time in discovering/making use of the apps anyway
...though i do think that the facetime feature is pretty snazzy)

or ipod
(i make do with the shuffle,
its easier to run with
and sturdier too)

i dont even need a fancy shmancy job
or suit-every-day-wearing career
(even if one of my few dreams about being a grown up
was basically to have my own office--
to be honest i feel like thatd be kinda lonely now D:
and a cubicle just seems easier to loop strings in a can through
as a high tech means of communication
with hopefully good humored co-workers)

eff, i even prefer the store brands substitutes to food
like "thin wheats" over wheat thins
cuz its less crunchy than the real thng
and therefore less effort to chew/eat
(^prime example of ultimate laziness)

even in restaurants
seldom will i find it worth it
to even beeee interested in the expensive meals
(id rather take my own hyperventilating time in the kitchen
trying to figure out how to work with steak despite my secret fear/
natural aversion to touching meat...
than to pay what could buy like eight or nine bobas
for a single steak at a restaurant)

and even when it comes to clothes
which i will admit are a secret--
(im kind of revealing a lot of those in this entry D: )--
and very guilty pleasure...
i dislike it instantly if its expensive

...all this to say
uh.
im only venting cuz i found cute clothes
and sad over knowing that no matter how much i love them
i ultimately cannot buy them
(also as an attempt to reprimand myself from buying them)

done wasting your time,
hannah