don't start

unbelieving. 

 

  isn't that enough reason to like this song?

the night sky is overwhelming
i don't know where it ends
and where i'm allowed
to begin

most times,
im met with
a distant, encompassing, dark
of empty
promises
of stars
that i have yet
to dig enough for
to clearly
see

im always falling behind.

i've come so far
but where am i now?

im stepping on thinning and thinning ice
wondering which faulted step
it will take
for people to realize
i've been lying
about my weight
all along

much to their disappointment, awkward uncomfortability,
and my embarrassment--
oh. and i guess, like, death
since i don't actually
know
how to swim

^something i shared with them
in jest, and they received
without worry
because it never crossed their mind
that id need to
anyway

afterall, here i've come
to the garden party of elite, grown up,
put together, successful,
adults

that we've decided to spice up
by throwing said garden party
on the thinning ice
that we elite
have the unspoken privilege
to stroll, safely, unscathed, through

...yet i wonder

how many people
are like me

pretending
not to wobble,
pretending
it didn't hurt
when they
slipped

pretending
to bounce back
faster
than they internally
did

looking
in envy
at those others
who seem
to dance

so freely

on the ice

 that we, ourselves,
have only pretended
to conquer

i like this song

and its implication

of love

that is yet, still beating

enough

to give

still plenty enough

to imply, a generous amount

of "all my love"

as opposed

to the scant,
surviving,

emptying

change

in our pockets

that Payphone suggests it to more closely resemble

oh, song references < 3 

do you really believe,

this is a healthy space?

that im..allowed

to this space

....for me?

do you really see my steps

my hesitant shuffling,

or bluffing strides

 as a form of "navigating"?

..will you really, so generously imply

that i am on the road or in the process

of finding 

my way?

...will you really wait for me?

 ..and be patient, 

truly,

genuinely?

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

words

just words,

my jaded, highly realistic, 

grown up self,

would like to say

but to me

you've given me

hope

those words

fight for the me

i've consistently

wanted

to give up

on

the me

that wants to shine

only to end up

in ashes, burnt dinners, 

misdirected anger,
lack of punctuality

and constrained passions

--my responses trampled by reactions

selfish, bratty,

aflame

the me thats so afraid

someone will notice

that i've fallen

at all

the me that's afraid 

i'll never learn

You think that i'm worth it.

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily

I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make

Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use

The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake

And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend

For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn

We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in

I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not

And who I am

 

most of me,
to be honest
can't put the words together
to fully explain
why i love this song
as much
as i do

but i think,

im okay with that

and at least

to this song

softly

simple,

unimpressive, 

subtle,

and sweet

for once,

i'll finally

just listen. < 3