because my dreams are bursting at the seams

 i agree

that my life

is full 

of hope

the crappier things are
the greater the potential
for things to get better
the greater the room
for hope

im not even saying that things are that bad

im just saying, even when they get that way
the amount of hope my life is filled with

doesn't change

i am either tired
or hopeful
i feel like,
to be alive
i must be
perpetually
hopeful

sometimes,
things feel hopeless
and i'm exhausted
and i feel that i've done so much
so much, already

and i realize here i am
trying to take credit for all the good
God is doing
and claiming it as my own

i think exhaustion
is valid
sadness, panic, heavy-heartedness
even hopelessness
is valid

my dreams, my hopes
include people
people whom--
if i were to lose
my hopes
of reuniting,
of more time,
of another chance--
would be bursting,
exploding,
tearing through
my heart
to reach
any possibility
of being with them
once again

and sometimes the possibility is impossible
and they've gone too far to reach
and i'm left with just
a tattered mess
spent, weeping,
torn

but my hopes
my hope
is never
ending

because Jesus
is never ending

even those
i cannot reach

even as the very life
of life itself
and joy--in all its unfamiliarity
is drained from me

...i still have hope

because even as life itself
leaves me with nothing
im reminded
that there's more
than this life
to come

i have hope

that exists
despite me--regardless of me
in spite of me

the me who wants everything
the me who wants a faith in things i can see
the me who obviously does not understand
what faith is even supposed to mean
if i've made such a request already

i have hope

and nothing can take that away
not my circumstances
my losses
my burdens
my pains
my stress
my homework (yeah, i said it)
my worries
my moneys (or lack thereof)
my flaws
my not good enough's
my not ever enough's
nor my falling short
of ever deserving
the kind of hope
i've been so freely given

an abundance of it
an endless stream of it

Lord,
i have hope.

even when i feel like i don't
even when i try to stubbornly claim that i won't
even when i cry out that i can't
even when i mean it
when i say
i don't
 understand

even when i have nothing else--

i have hope.