"my life is filled with hope"

that realization hit me hard the other day

not like--a slap in the face

or a punch in the stomach kind of impact

but the kind of--sudden embrace

that knocks the air right out of you

in the other party's excitement to see you

or rather--

be seen by you

after missing you

for so long

waiting to be noticed

neglected

but still

relentlessly

protectively

gently

holding your hand

this whole time

and as you utter the words

that acknowledges that

as you blink your blurring eyes

straining--now seeing

a light, a life

in what was once

just a vacant stare

an unchanging horizon

dark

and predictable

if even just for a moment

you can make out

the blurred

contours

of His face

feel the warmth

of His smile

remember

the hand

that holds yours

is His

every realization

step closer, 

word uttered

story heard

tears shared

truth told

lie revoked

love confirmed

is like an embrace

this is not a hope i deserve

but it's the kind

You choose to give

why my life is not consumed in thankfulness

baffles me on my best days

frustrates me on my worst

yet You hold onto me

on both days

and every moment in between