planted

my bladder's full
my knees are cold
i feel more pregnant than sick
and im running--no, just barely walking
eff--even limping or crawling takes too much energy, dramatic and physical
so i've given in to finally just...
strolling

and have even added a tune
humming with each
broken step
and suddenly
im so much lighter
because i could never hope to carry
this weight (especially with its inevitable increase with finals stress eating)
on my own

so ill let go
of what they say should be important
and the things i hold onto
to fit in with those that are
standing in the standard line
of good posture
and unwavering straight ahead stares

amidst what i imagine
as dark navy blue uniforms
perfectly sealed with stapled on buttons
made to be formal in every way
(but in truth looking almost like crisply ironed onesies)

and i twiddle my thumbs
that are supposed to be
placed firmly at my sides
palm against crisp edges of a navy blue pant leg

pretending to be preoccupied
with the scarlet chipped nail polish
shifting uneasily
in my yellow flowered skirt
and green sweatshirt
that i thought would cleverly make me look like
a stem to a giant daisy
realizing that everyone around me
means business
but in truth
so did i

and my pink, plastic headband
does nothing to pull back
uneven, unwashed raggedy anne strands
of bedridden, permanently flyaway hair

its the one thing i can say
is there just for show

but then again
so were their formal lines,
flattened palms,
straight ahead stares,
and navy blue onesies

at least my headband looked cute