horizon

what do people do when they're free to do whatever they want?

don't they just do
or fall into doing
the same things
they usually did?
or already by habit
know they're able
or allowed to do?

what do people do when no one is looking and they can be whoever they want?

they're just
exactly as they are
is 'whoever they want to be'
a proper response?
cuz aren't we also who we are by habit
or by what or who we know we are able or allowed to be?
would it be too wrong to say that..
we're not any less ourselves
when we're held back
than when we aren't?
because even though it seems contradictory by definition
you're not really any less of a you
just you
when you're held back
and no one else acts exactly
like you do
or defines
'held back'
as your 'held back' does

---

i learned this break that
with my family i..

laugh
a lot more freely
louder, and
for as long as i want
especially if its
funny

which ill tell you if it is
not feel the need to respond 'appropriately' if it isn't
and if its me, will
shamelessly pat myself on the back
and laugh
as if im
the funniest person in the world

the same way that you, in return
previously, and often
also got your turn to be appreciated as if you were too

i think i surprisingly..
really..-like- dancing
i've never been very good at it
so i never felt the right
and i've never been very good
because my sister is great
therefore whatever i do, will not be very good
and so i tend not to do a lot

i am naturally awkward in my own body

not to say that im necessarily, uncomfortable
but that...i fall into..
awkward positions
habits
movements

but only when im comfortable
does it really work

i never felt the right to
but i want to confess now

i like dancing

i love the way dorothy dances so freely
and full of joy, like she's laughing
but with her body
and just...
dancing
because she can
and enjoying
what i couldn't
or didn't, shouldn't
have the right to

i also..as unfit as i am
love running
i SUCK at this
as i do singing
and in theory dancing

but i enjoy it

sometimes when going from one destination to another
especially when listening to my ipod
and im walking by myself
i find myself unable to keep from
breaking out into a run
even just a brief, unfit, shouldnt be running one

but just--
running
dont know if from or to
but that doesn't matter so much in the moment

if anything
im trying to catch up
with the moment itself

the wind against my face
the crisp night air
and sometimes
stinging cold

and the feeling of
invincibility to it all
because im
moving
too fast
for it to reach

it feels like
flight
or even
a pre-flight

a running start
just before you
jump the tallest cliff
and soar
not fall
but..
soar

for a time
or distance
that..really doesn't matter
as much as
the flight itself

diving
past the clouds
before gracefully touching the ground
landing in mid sprint
that eventually slows to a jog
step after step

unsure, when your walking
came to a stop
you find yourself
just finally turning around
to face the horizon

and see

the sky
from which you fell
the dirt
where you crawled
before getting up
to fly again
the trees
from afar
that seemed so
ordinary
up close

and see

all the places
that you've been

all the places
that you've gone

and see

that all that's behind you
was actually
very beautiful
after all