a distraction from what?

Really?

I actually..probably have not been feeling too good for the past few days now..
But maybe it either comes and goes?
Or I really don't know how to deal with it.

Trying to get a driver's license was a nice distraction.
Yaaay to do list tasks~

And it offered up some life lessons to keep in mind too.
I wonder, and almost hope, that they aren't a symbolic representation of the things I'm going to have to keep learning and re-learning this year.
But thinking that almost guarantees that God will put it on my plate to--
or rather
will challenge me

to take it off my own plate
and lay at His feet.


Things like failure
and stuff.
Things like failing
and other stuff.

And trying, and trying, and trying.
And being okay,
and loved,
and ..uh
not succeeding.

But having that not necessarily be the center of the picture.

unconditional love,
and what that means.
and doesn't mean.

it means..
the option of both
victory ice cream,
OR feel better ice cream

your dad confessing
failing his own first driving exam
your sister texting
without disappointment
your mom looking at you
exactly
the same
way

hearing your aunt say
she's proud of you
before you've even
passed the test

and people telling you
that you don't have to
pass today
or tomorrow
or the next day

and being more worried
of you being disappointed
than actually being
disappointed
themselves


I feel like if I'm going to re-prioritize, or remember to prioritize my time..
I should have an idea already of what my priorities are, what it looks like,
a clear, tangible, visible, representation..
That I can't meld and mush together on occasion
for my own convenience.

I wonder..and hope..
that these could be set right

1. God--my relationship with Him, worship, and living and growing through that

2. My Family--well, yeah, they're awesome =]

3. Relationships with people outside of family ie: friends

4. School/Grades--being a good steward of the opportunity I've been blessed with

5. Other commitments outside of school ie: Epic and my job..and hopefully an eventual internship

things i forget:

-health

-mental and physical

-the first three priorities

-the first four priorities

-half of the fifth priority

...then

what am i left with?

unconditional love

means

admitting..

i'm scared of being here.

i want to go home.