"opportunity awaits you next monday"

that would be tomorrow =x

but i doubt there's gonna be any shift keys

page numbers, bets, or bobas this time around

eff
i've never updated so much before D:
it's gotta stop @@
like..really
right?





hmm
i've been reading the book karen sent me
"lost women of the bible"
and i just finished the chapter on sarah
it had a couple interesting quotes..
but i think for the most part im still hoping for more enthusiasm
or inspiration i guess in reading proverbs



i guess it just sounds like advice
from a semi anonymous voice for now



i miss the gospels..
or the new testament in general
maybe ill finally go through with reading hebrews with brian this summer?



i'm still seeking
but im scared of the stand still
almost a calm before a storm deal?

but i feel like i should be doing more preparing instead

..
jghdjhdff
when do i get to slip up??
dern it
i really want to..
or just may

i need to keep reminding myself why this is good for me
even when it instead feels so much better -after- loopholes and breaches

i dont have to go back to day 0 do i?

..at this point i really just dont know what to do either
just..
write my thank you cards dern it
15sh more to go..

..hm.
just read a random note by dan na on fb.

Discerning Idolatry in Desire
12 Ways to Recognize the Rise of Covetousness

By John Piper

Most of us realize that enjoying anything other than God, from the best gift to the basest pleasure, can become idolatry. Paul says in Colossians 3:5, “Covetousness is idolatry.”

“Covetousness” means desiring something other than God in the wrong way. But what does that mean—“in the wrong way”?

The reason this matters is both vertical and horizontal. Idolatry will destroy our relationship with God. And it will destroy our relationships with people.

All human relational problems—from marriage and family to friendship to neighbors to classmates to colleagues—all of them are rooted in various forms of idolatry, that is, wanting things other than God in wrong ways.

So here is my effort to think biblically about what those wrong ways are. What makes an enjoyment idolatrous? What turns a desire into covetousness, which is idolatry?

1. Enjoyment is becoming idolatrous when it is forbidden by God. For example, adultery and fornication and stealing and lying are forbidden by God. Some people at some times feel that these are pleasurable, or else we would not do them. No one sins out of duty. But such pleasure is a sign of idolatry.

2. Enjoyment is becoming idolatrous when it is disproportionate to the worth of what is desired. Great desire for non-great things is a sign that we are beginning to make those things idols.

3. Enjoyment is becoming idolatrous when it is not permeated with gratitude. When our enjoyment of something tends to make us not think of God, it is moving toward idolatry. But if the enjoyment gives rise to the feeling of gratefulness to God, we are being protected from idolatry. The grateful feeling that we don’t deserve this gift or this enjoyment, but have it freely from God’s grace, is evidence that idolatry is being checked.

4. Enjoyment is becoming idolatrous when it does not see in God’s gift that God himself is more to be desired than the gift. If the gift is not awakening a sense that God, the Giver, is better than the gift, it is becoming an idol.

5. Enjoyment is becoming idolatrous when it is starting to feel like a right, and our delight is becoming a demand. It may be that the delight is right. It may be that another person ought to give you this delight. It may be right to tell them this. But when all this rises to the level of angry demands, idolatry is rising.
6. Enjoyment is becoming idolatrous when it draws us away from our duties. When we find ourselves spending time pursuing an enjoyment, knowing that other things, or people, should be getting our attention, we are moving into idolatry.

7. Enjoyment is becoming idolatrous when it awakens a sense of pride that we can experience this delight while others can’t. This is especially true of delights in religious things, like prayer and Bible reading and ministry. It is wonderful to enjoy holy things. It idolatrous to feel proud that we can.

8. Enjoyment is becoming idolatrous when it is oblivious or callous to the needs and desires of others. Holy enjoyment is aware of others’ needs and may temporarily leave a good pleasure to help another person have it. One might leave private prayer to be the answer to someone else’s.

9. Enjoyment is becoming idolatrous when it does not desire that Christ be magnified as supremely desirable through the enjoyment. Enjoying anything but Christ (like his good gifts) runs the inevitable risk of magnifying the gift over the Giver. One evidence that idolatry is not happening is the earnest desire that this not happen.

10. Enjoyment is becoming idolatrous when it is not working a deeper capacity for holy delight. We are sinners still. It is idolatrous to be content with sin. So we desire transformation. Some enjoyments shrink our capacities of holy joy. Others enlarge them. Some go either way, depending on how we think about them. When we don’t care if an enjoyment is making us more holy, we are moving into idolatry.

11. Enjoyment is becoming idolatrous when its loss ruins our trust in the goodness of God. There can be sorrow at loss without being idolatrous. But when the sorrow threatens our confidence in God, it signals that the thing lost was becoming an idol.

12. Enjoyment is becoming idolatrous when its loss paralyzes us emotionally so that we can’t relate lovingly to other people. This is the horizontal effect of losing confidence in God. Again: Great sorrow is no sure sign of idolatry. Jesus had great sorrow. But when desire is denied, and the effect is the emotional inability to do what God calls us to do, the warning signs of idolatry are flashing.

For myself and for you, I pray the admonition of 1 John 5:21, “Little children, keep yourselves from idols.”

..got it.

i don't get to slip up
and those thank you cards deserve the effort
of being written for each individual themselves
not just for the thought of finishing them
by an assignment deadline
or a self-serving goal

if i miss something
i should miss God more
or realize, it's God, or some part or essence of Him
that i'm missing in the first place
and from there be comforted in knowing
that God will never leave
and has never left

"God's more awesome than I am"

and you probably have no idea

just how awesome -you- are to me for saying

and reminding me that

..so God must really, REALLY be awesome

i think i need to take care of myself
not in a self-serving
but in an honoring God's work in me sorta way

you wont fade
but if i do
i need to be okay with it
and have faith that
God's will
or His presence Himself
will be the one to take the place

i'm excited for opportunity

and for now

i'll refuse to fear change.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. "
-Hebrews 12:1-2


i think i need to take the time to acknowledge
and realize just how much i really am surrounded by such amazing people


ray's post on sin..really..set some things right for me
confirmed and reaffirmed decisions
encouraged and struck
the very necessary chord of reality
and the fear that comes with that

dan's post stopped my whining =x

in a good way though

that reminded me that something like this

is too God-given of a blessing

to allow to become an idol

and thanks to gabe

im listening to 'God of this city'

and remembering not to be too lazy to think haha

and also remembering that i actually

really really enjoy it =]

marni still calls

and is someone i can go to for prayer

and lets me into her life

and witnesses to me in the way she lives it

dorothy's walk has been really nice to be able to listen to too =]

and this summer

i am going to ask Brian
SO many questions dern it

and demand answers

and to learn not just from him

but from everyone on our team <3

i won't limit you anymore, God

or at least I'll keep trying my best not to

these words are for You

and my eyes will look first to You

and first always

to You alone

only then can things make sense

or be figured out the right way

and only then can i sincerely look to others

with the love You meant

for them to be seen in