i used to hate chuzzle

...

i fell asleep during bedtime story telling today

and just now woke up to realize i never got to hear/tell the ending

i guess that's the last of those Pablo updates ; ;

the chronicles must have been meant to stay a secret legend afterall

i was also a bit of a stalker today--mostly cuz i was told not to be
were those chocolate chip pancakes?

the girl who took them was on my floor freshman year
she was actually the first girl i met/sorta made friends with in davis =x
we met in the bathroom haha
and tried being friends

but people are different i guess?
and i floated some random direction elsewhere

i just realized the computer games we were playing on their laptop today
were the same kind of games my friends used to play freshmen year too
chuzzle? and that one insane aquarium fish tank game?

its so weird to think
but makes enough sense
that that was three years ago
and so much in the beginning
of some place i never thought i'd be now

eff, im not even officially a senior yet and im already reminiscing =x

but yeahh..those were my friends
and im happy that somehow we're all still friends again now
even with one of em where things got kinda awkward
(water bottle throwing)
and coulda semi ended on a better, less 'we're not friends anymore' note

but for some reason even now when we see each other
he'll crack the same jokes
be the same jerk
and i'll respond the same way
and laugh just as much as before
because we somehow still both know
its still too borderline offensive (eep)
or ridiculous
to not be funny

so..its almost the same when he and i see each other
but also...hm
not the same when we dont
and the almost
makes a big, unsure, difference
of a new wall that's been built
for both safety, and protection
and forgiveness
on both ends

...i hope there won't be any walls this time

i dont know what id do if there were

i think i still haven't figured out

what any of this really means yet

or why it feels the way it does

right now that wall is distance

while we put things back together i guess

on the other side?

i hope you'll leave room for me

but not enough that would leave so much space

that would end up feeling empty

God fills every space, doesn't He?

and makes sure things fall into place everywhere else

i wonder where that place will be for me?

..or vice versa.

hm..

i cant wait to see michelle again <3

and share stories

and hear thoughts

and share my own rambly ones

and hope--and know

you're out there sharing yours

lets keep..letting people in

you're right about ..well..a lot of things

and i wanna take that advice

of encouraging, and sharing

and building each other up

and sharing that gift we were given

as an example or reference

of how to love on other people around us

baby steps <3>

it matters

and not just to you

but to the other person too

it's always worth it to try..in this case isn't it?

i'm still--and will--be praying

=]

wherever we are

is wherever God's put us for now

which means He's decided that for now

wherever we are

for this, at least,

for now

is good enough

and exactly

where we need to be

not necessarily a level of or standard,

accomplishment, or location

but just..

near Him

seeking Him

pursuing

and in love with

always

=]

im glad its okay to miss people
im glad i hate it but would miss the feeling if it was gone

i still feel like the sunsets you're watching
are happening elsewhere
somewhere farther than it really is
and beyond what i can see from whats blocked off by these houses
surrounding a park with yellow benches

i wonder when you'll get tired of reading these thoughts?

i wonder how i never get tired of hearing yours

i wonder if that was okay for me to say =x

or something i was supposed to keep to myself

cuz feelings are for girls

and pansies

but i guess

im not in freshman year anymore

..

and its okay to be a girl
or admit to be a pansy

cuz there are people here
who'll love me now
anyway

and take care of me
when i need to be either
and enjoy me
when i'm caught between the two

and that help me realize
that im stronger

just the way i am
just the way He made me

as a girl
and a pansy =x

disclaimer:

hannah piol is not really a pansy.

ask chuck norris. and his mom.

disclaimer 2:

girls aren't so bad.

they smell nicer than boys