"because when you're wildly in love with someone..."

"...it changes everything."

"'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and,
Even if you don't want to speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me.
'Cause I want nothing more
than to sit outside Heaven's door
and listen to you breathing,
Is where I want to be."

God's grace...

• blossoming relationship with my little brother, in trust and in companionship.
• relations between me and my sister, which has also gone a long way. her trust in me and who i am. her patience, and her growth.
• that i can be stronger than i thought i could be, than my parents ever thought i could be, than seemed or than would be possible with my own strength. and, as implied, i dont have to do it on my own or try to anymore.
  
• my parents being one of the main examples of love and grace that i've experienced in my life.
  
• friends who sincerely want to be a part of my life, and will allow me to be a part of theirs.
• blossoming friendships in epic, the solidification of a genuine community of believers, at least for myself.
  
• the growth and maintaining of new and old friendships: priya, michelle, ray, gabe, justin, sorta daniel, marni, beth, stef, jeanine, wendi, jill, mandy, jesse, renata, vickie, brianna, elena, matt wang, matt ing, annie, kristin, angela, brian sattler, briggs, dana, YUKI, my parents, NABI, my aunt and uncle, ming ming, alex, andrew, ashley, chrissy...list will go on.
  
• that my little brother prays.
• that priya and i can ask each other to pray for each other
• that michelle is still someone i can be a complete kid around
• that there is somehow still food on the table every day, a roof over our heads, warmth, and the desire to give and to love. and to never hold back, and to help, in any way we are able.
• the desire for growth.
• the hope that there IS more than this.
• questions, that need answers..from renata and jesse, my lil brother, and etc.
• that ray's parents dont hate me, and are amazingly warm people i can feel myself able to slowly get more comfortable around.
  
• hm. raymond gao, himself.
  
• that priya and michelle still ring as such a secure and reliable, huge, and sincere part of my life.
• that the same goes for yuki and nabi, even after all these years.
• that my aunt's family in elk grove has so warmly and sincerely welcomed me as a closer part of theirs.
  
• that marni has finally found her way to progress and grow, and is taking braver and braver steps of faith. that i can be allowed to witness that and be inspired by my friend's journey.
• that i have the opportunity--the blessing, to be inspired by the journeys of such an amazing group of people and community around me, both in epic and in life in general.
• that dandelions are beautiful and tapioca pearls are nummy =].
• that dan tat actually CAN come in a bigger size--yay for the bakery michelle showed me!
• that running is exhilirating, even if mine is more of a slow old lady jog.
  
• that writing is amazing. and ive been blessed with the literacy to do so, and the words to try to.
  
• that im not the only one remembering little details of things, like lined paper love, by myself
• that my dad loves me. and he tells me so, every day.
• that my mom can be herself around me.
• that my family laughs. and we do. a lot =]
  
• that i can, in any way, not be too much of an additional burden to my parents
• that even when i am, and a very heavy and unreasonable one at that, that they love me anyway. and dont hesitate to tell me so, first.
  
• that gabe IMs like, every day. that makes me happy dern it.
• that priya "AMAZING PERSON EVER" bassan is my roommate. take THAT, world.
  
• that i get mike's humor. and it almost never fails to make me laugh. even secretly, or at my own expense D:.
  
• that jeanine is in davis. dhgjbgjkdg!! i REPEAT. that JEANINE TAN is. IN. Davis!!
• that i love what i study, and i get to study what i love.
  
• that its ok if i dont have it all figured out yet right now.
• that dandelions disperse wishes in the form of angel-winged looking fairies even when they die.
• that yuki is my friend. and part of me--if not all of me--can actually say with confidence that ive never dared to have, that i think, maybe-- she always will be.
• that i have friends who would go out of their way, to give me rides to places en stuff--even just cuz i mentioned off hand that i wanted to see people, and then they invite me to hang out
• that i have a best friend who will go out of his way to not just study with me, after a horrendously cold 10 minute bike to my place--but who would do so, even when he didn't even have anything to study, and just for the sake of being there for a friend =]
• my puppies being adorable enough to also be part of the family.
• my lil brother going to school.
• my sister managing a job
• my aunt is still here
• that despite it, my gramma can still laugh or smile
• that my kids (alex, andrew, and ming ming) still like telling bed time stories
• that i've been able to watch these kids grow, and get to be there with them, TO tell bedtime stories. bake cookies. play freeze dance. and watch movies.
• that they still laugh at my silly jokes--or are still convinced that i hate purple enough for it to burn every time they make me touch it...which they do, or andrew does. a lot.
  
• that arizona has brought my family closer instead of further, and that hearing my parents voice on the phone happens often enough that its both familiar enough to be part of my almost every day in davis, yet important enough that even if it ends up being just asking 'how are you' over and over is worth the time to stop my day and tell them..and amazingly, they can do the same for me, and trust me even when the answer isn't "fine"
  
• that tomorrow today is christmas eve. and we get to spend it as a family.

that i know, no matter how extensive my list is,
it'll still never be long enough to cover
how much evidence
of God's grace
there really is,
in my life
and in others' around me.
whether we take the time to stop
to think, and to realize it or not
take the time
to stop
and really, sincerely,
look to Him first.

i want to know what it means,
to live what it means..
to be in love
with You, Lord.

and have all
that i am
someday be,
a reflection of that.