Thursday, June 25, 2009

still nervous

im not really sure what to do with myself

i dont know who to call
i mean ive called my parents,
and i know im not so up for
hanging out with a lot of people

im not sure who to talk to
i really think i should just...pray

and pray and pray
then pray some more?

that requires isolation tho..but actually
not really

i guess ive juss been on my own most of the day
and part of me really wants to see familiar faces

the other part isnt sure if itd be very good for me to

i dont know if i should be able to talk to some people at this state
i dont want to say things or make unwise decisions
from the sheer 'in the moment' feeling of
'oh im leaving tomorrow'

i think i need to respect the work that God has already done

im a people pleaser

i wanna hang out
i wanna spend time
i want people to realize that they're important
and liked and ...important

and i want to be with them

but i feel really conflicted


its 10:23

is davis over?

is it all just India from here?

at least for two weeks..well
no

itll be longer than two weeks
and itll be longer than from the time i leave to get back

im still carrying some hawaii 'baggage' with me

i need to straighten out my thoughts..
i need to find a way to clear my mind


why cant i think of someone to pray with?

2 comments:

Nabi said...

I just got your prayer email.. I can't believe you're leaving tomorrow. I was actually talking about you with my dad just the other day, and told him about your trip to India. And he just started laughing, and I was all bewildered, and he said, "That's going to change her life" and I think that kind of made me think more about what you're doing too. Because I can't really imagine living in those kinds of conditions, the conditions that millions of people have to live in everyday. It's easier to just ignore it, and pretend it doesn't exist, isn't it? So I think you're really brave for going on this trip to encounter this yourself, first hand, and more than ever, I'm really proud of you.

Of course I say all that, but really I'm being all, "OMG I AM GOING TO MISS HER SO MUCH" T__T I love you!!! I don't know if I'll see you before you go.. but just know that I am going to be praying for you, and everyone else, in my own way. D: Mainly because you care about it, and it's important to you, so it's important to me <3

*obsessed much? Lol*

Good luck <3

missingdelusion said...

...may i just publicly shower you with love and affection and just like "OMGEESGODMUSTLOVEMETHATHEBLESSEDMEWITHSOMEONELIKEYOU's" right now?

mmkay?
yeah?
kay
thanks

...
dfhjgkfgoksidu.dgjosjhgk NAABIIII

kd;jfngg x__X I EFFING LOVE YOU


aaand I miss you tons!
I cant wait to talk again!

Your comment seriously made me tear up and just like..I dunno.

Thank you <3 .

It means a lot to me to have my life matter like that to someone else. Especially when its someone whose opinion and whose life matters as much as yours does to me.

Thank you for all the encouragement mam ;-; <3.

I really, -really- cant wait to talk to you again